Children seated on a bench facing away from camera

Helping Children Cope

This brief section outlines issues that may impact children who experience or witness violence.

Sometimes people  think  that  children,  especially  when  young, don’t have lasting reactions to trauma, but experts tell us this is not true. For example, children from birth to 5 years of age can experience traumatic stress, some of which comes from reading and feeling the emotions of the adults caring for them.

  • Children and youth who live in New Orleans have high rates of exposure to violence. A recent study in New Orleans found a quarter of middle-school children had depression (with twice as many girls as boys), while a third of the same group suffered from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Over 29% reported they had seen assaults and 14% reported they had witnessed homicides. Over half said they were more worried about “personal safety” than “being unloved.” They are hurting.

  • Much of a particular child’s reaction will depend on various things, such as prior violence exposure, prior mental health issues they might have, prior abuse they’ve endured, and how they perceive the event (did they see it happen, was it a close relative, etc) – in such cases, it is more likely that a child will experience traumatic stress and the symptoms will persist longer.

  • If untreated, symptoms can lead to problems with behavior, depression, academics, family and peer relationships, and to more serious problems such as substance abuse, violence and committing crimes. Remember that: difficult feelings = difficult behavior. When kids don’t feel well, they do not act well.

  • Refer to the resources on this page and in our larger RESOURCES section for a listing of local professionals who work with children who have experienced trauma.

HOW CHILDREN REACT TO TRAUMAS

Fear and anxiety: Children may worry that the trauma will happen again, or that they will be left alone. Make sure the child feels physically and emotionally safe. Be sure to leave them with trusted people if you are not there, and let them know when you will return; one suggestion is to leave something personal of yours with the child.

They may experience nightmares or fear darkness. If a child mentions suicidality, seek professional help immediately.

Childish behavior: Children may act younger than their age. They might begin bedwetting or thumb sucking, and become clingy or afraid. Children don’t want to act immature, but their anxiety might disturb their normal behavior. They may also act out as a way of expressing their feelings, especially if they don’t have the language or feeling words to express themselves.

Physical reactions: Like adults, many children may experience stomachaches, headaches, nausea, and/or eating problems. Certain sounds might trigger a response of fear.

Concentration problems: Many children become easily distracted, and feel confused and inattentive. Symptoms of trauma and ADHD look similar.

Understanding death: Pre-school children may not realize death is permanent, and might wish for the person’s return. You might explain facts like the person is no longer breathing or moving, isn’t hungry or thirsty, and isn’t feeling pain or fear. Whatever the age of the child, you can let them know that even if the person has died, you can still love them and think about them.

  • Find ways to honor the person the child has lost, e.g. make a memory box.

  • Avoid expressions or words that might confuse and frighten them. For example, saying someone has “gone to sleep” rather than “died” might make a child scared to go to bed. If a child feels they are being punished because of the trauma, s/he may feel frightened and threatened.

  • You can decide if the child should attend funeral services; sometimes being kept away could be harder on them, even if the services are distressing. If they attend, let them know what to expect and how you and others may react. If they don’t attend, arrange for them to be with someone special.

FAMILY ROUTINES

Try to keep meals, activities, and bedtimes as close to normal as possible, so children feel more secure and in control. Whenever possible, children should stay with people with whom they feel both familiar and safe. Familiar routines, like bedtime stories, prayers, or songs, may help restore hope.

  • You can also start new family routines, like lighting a candle for your loved one, or saying special prayers, or sharing memories regular basis, or writing notes on special occasions, or a memory box of things that remind the family of the loved one they have lost.

SPECIAL NEEDS

A traumatized child may be more dependent on you for some time after a trauma has occurred. This might include not wanting to sleep alone, having the light left on, being hugged or held more than usual, returning to a favorite toy or blanket, or not wanting to be social. It is okay to provide these types of comfort to the child, and the child’s need for these things should decrease over time.

  • Let personnel and schoolteachers at the child’s school know what has happened so they can make any necessary plans to help the child. Also speak to parents or caretakers of your child’s friends.

TALKING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED

Like adults, children express their feelings in different ways. Some will be numb, withdrawn, and unable to talk about the event. Others will have sudden spurts of anger or sadness about the event and then act as if nothing has happened. Others might express themselves nonverbally through art, play, or activities. They may show big emotions and have more temper tantrums. Let them know it is ok to be angry, but it is not ok to hurt themselves or others.

Let them know you’re also hurting and express your own mourning and grief. Be sure to support their emotions.

  • Don’t force them to talk about their feelings, but do listen to them even if their feelings are different to yours. Make sure you are patient with them; we all grieve at our own pace. Let them talk repeatedly about the same things as much as they need and keep responding to them each time with kindness.

  • They may play out a scene with toys. When a child does this, they are often trying to make sense of what happened and process their grief, sadness, anger and confusion. Play is their language, and toys are seen as their words (play therapy). Play with them and go along with their play, even if it is shocking to hear or see.

  • Give honest, simple answers to their questions, and make sure they understand your answers. It’s okay to say that you don’t know the answer to a question they may have.

There are helpful psychological tools being used to aid children. Places like the Children’s Bureau and Children’s Hospital Trauma and Grief Center (TAG) can provide free advice and counseling to help you better support the child in question. You can also reach out to University Medical Center’s Trauma Recovery Center. All of these resources are in New Orleans. Additionally, groups like the Coalition for Compassionate Schools are working to better support and educate teachers about how trauma impacts children’s behavior, so they know how to respond to the effects of trauma in the classroom.